Still in Iraq, and it's summer now

It's everything everyone said it would be. . . hot, dusty, hot, smelly, and HOT! And summer is just getting started. It's only going to get worse. Imagine a blow dryer on high pointed right at your face. That's what it feels like every time I go outside. Don't feel sorry for me though. As a calibration technician, I work inside an air-conditioned trailer. Yeah, I have it pretty good, relatively speaking!

I have actually had a decent time in Iraq. I am doing my best not to waste my time here. For the past few months two of us calibrators were attached to another calibration team in Iraq to assist with their mission. I gained a lot of experience in my MOS and increased my networking (calibration is a very small field where everyone knows you), but the team was a lot different than mine. They did recognize our hard work and recommended us for Army Achievement Medals. I appreciated the experience but I could not wait to get back to my team. They are a great bunch of guys, well more like annoying little brothers plus older brother squad leader and Daddy team chief, but we somehow manage to get along.

On my way back to my unit, I was stuck in transit for a week at one of the bigger bases. I spent every day at the pool and every night at the movie theater. The pool was awesome. The water was clean, everyone was chilling. I lounged in the shallow end. I closed my eyes, felt the cool water all over me, and imagined a beer in my hand. For a few moments I forgot I was in Iraq. I felt like I was back home in TX or with my close friends in the states. Helicopters and jets passing overhead would break the peacefulness, but those sounds have always been a part of my life. It was always that "Iraq" smell (a combination of sewage, burning garbage, and shit roasting in 120 degree weather) that brought me back to reality. Hi ho, hi ho, it's back to work I go!

Iraq has been one big reunion for me as well. Just the other day, I ran into one of my friends from AIT. He just arrived here and saw me in the DFAC. This has happened several times, and I'm grateful to see each of them again, even if it's just for a few minutes each time. The Army seems so massive, but it's actually a pretty small world.

While attached to that team, I took my record PT test. I'm proud to say I scored a 257 overall. 74 sit-ups and a 17:50 run! YES! I'm disappointed in my push-ups though because I went down on those. My goal is to max my push-ups and sit-ups next time.

I am scheduled to go to the SGT promotion board next month. I'm nervous. I was supposed to go last week, but I wanted to prepare with some mock boards before I did the real thing. I had my first mock board yesterday. Despite being nervous as hell (and it showed), everyone said I did extremely well. My platoon sgt has been on many promotion and soldier-of-the-month boards in this battalion, and according to him, he is 100% sure about sending me to the board. The only thing I need to work on my voice projection (which has been my problem my whole life) and confidence, but I am apparently ready to go. Even so, I plan to keep studying and preparing. :)

Every time I write these posts, I am still amazed how everything has fallen into place for me. Here I am deployed in Iraq, performing my MOS, and preparing for the SGT promotion board. Just about every SPC can say that, it sounds so easy. But it was anything but easy for me. I will never take any of it for granted. That's what made me who I am, and I hope these experiences help me in whatever role I take in military and civilian life.

In Iraq

Well, it's been quite a while since my last post. Well, to get right to it, I'm posting from Iraq. I was able to spend a couple of weeks at Ft. Lewis (beautiful area, the weather not so much), and I have been deployed long enough to earn a combat patch.

Overall, fobbit life is very easy. I have one roommate and we get along very well. I work in the calibration shop and have carved my little niche with the other soldiers. I am the only female in my shop, but I hold my own just fine. The hours are not too demanding. Hell, I even have tv (AFN channels) and internet in my room now. I didn't even have that at Ft. Lewis! I do my best to keep busy. My NCOs want me to go the the SGT promotion board before we leave, so I am studying for that and working on Army correspondence courses. I have taken up recreational reading again, as well as watching haji dvds. There are a lot of decent tv shows out there that I have never heard of! The Army gym is fairly decent as well. I started lifting weights when I first got here, and a buddy of mine poked at the increased definition in my arms last night. I was so happy, even though he mocked the baby weight I lift. Honestly, he is a lot bigger than me and could kick my ass. It's a good thing he is scared of my roommate! Ha ha ha!

With that said, it's still a deployment. Last Tuesday night (here anyway), we were watching the Presidential Inauguration live. As soon as VP Biden finished his oath, BOOM! A mortar hit just outside our living area. Dust was everywhere and all we could smell was sulfur. In 20 sec (which in hindsight is a very long time), I buttoned my pants (I like to watch tv "Al Bundy" style), put on my battle rattle, and ran to the bunker in flip flops! Several soldiers were already there, some took off without any shoes. One poor guy was in the middle of "dropping the kids off at the pool". We all joked about it to pass the time until the "All Clear" was given. The concrete barriers blocked most of the concussion from the mortar. A couple of blown out windows and busted lights, but no injuries were sustained. I'll take a cold night over no injuries any day. I slept like a baby that night, with my shoes at the ready just in case we had any more incoming fire. At least I have a somewhat interesting story. Where was I when the first black US President was swearing in. . . running to a concrete bunker wearing ACUs, battle rattle, and flip flops!

And this past weekend, we had something happen that I hope to never go through again. A soldier in my company was killed in a non-combat accident. The entire battalion was at the airfield to render honors. When his flag-draped coffin passed by me, it was such an eerie feeling. I did not know the soldier, but that does not mean his death was meaningless to me. It could be any one of us in that coffin. We cannot do anything more than look out for ourselves and everyone around us. Even then, things can happen, and now a husband, father, friend, and fellow soldier is gone. The memorial service was today. Hearing the words of his friends and leaders, the 21-gun salute, the playing of Taps, and giving that Final Salute was pretty emotional for everyone. I hope to never have to experience anything like that again. :(

Update

Fort Lewis has been treating me okay. The rain and clouds have been kind of dull, but when the sun is shining, the view of Mount Rainier by the airfield is beautiful! If you are an outdoors person, the Pacific Northwest is beautiful. Even though the winter weather is not all that attractive, I was looking forward to giving snowboarding a try. Unfortunately, the Army has other plans. I am getting ready for a short deployment to Iraq. All those months of misery in medical hold in TRADOC just hoping I could be of some use to the Army, and all of a sudden, it is not training any more. I am looking forward to it. It's less than one year (at least, that is what we are being told now), I will get out of rear detachment, and I could earn some experience in my MOS. Of course my family is nervous for me, but I have some good NCOs and soldiers that are helping me out. For most of them, this will be their third deployment. Basically, I'm using my ears a lot more than my mouth! Everything is new to me, and I am just trying to soak up as much as possible.

In other news, I finally passed the run on my PT test. Overall my score was a very unimpressive 230. I am never satisfied, even though everyone (eventually I told them my background story) said they were proud of me. My PSGT told me, "One of these days, you will be happy!" One day. Until then, I will keep working. :)

Time to go!

No, I didn't make my run. I did everything the physical therapist and civilian specialist told me to do (I was probably pushing it a little too much), but I could not shave off those last few seconds on my run, at least on my APFT. I feel weak. I feel like a failure. The docs said it's just going to take more time. Again I cry, "How much more time?! It's been months already!" It's so frustrating!

That passing APFT was all that was keeping me at Redstone. The cadre knew I was working hard. I did company PT twice a day (regular and remedial PT) and ran on my own on top of that. I guess they saw something in me (or more likely felt pity), and the BN CO approved a PT waiver for me. It was done. All I needed was orders in hand. After a few weeks of waiting, I received my PCS orders yesterday. The golden ticket out of TRADOC is now in my hands! My platoon sergeant and CO were making fun of me. I was like a little kid in a candy store, a huge ear-to-ear smile on my face, standing on the tips of my toes (the counter in the orderly room is as high as my shoulders) , reaching out my hands and begging,"Gimme, gimme, gimme pleeease!" Yes, I really acted like that. They know what I went through and how long I've been waiting for these pieces of paper, especially my platoon sergeant considering how much I bugged him about it. Holding it just out of my reach, "Look at that smile! Look at those teeth! I've never seen you so happy. You've been waiting a while for this!"

It's done. I finish clearing post tomorrow and sign out on leave early Friday morning. As excited as I am, it's bittersweet. My eyes watered a little when I got my orders due to supreme happiness, a hint of sadness, and disappointment. I have a year's worth of memories here, both good and bad. I met some of my closest friends here and learned a lot from the cadre and prior service around me. But I am also ashamed because I didn't earn my way out of here. I can't run for shit, but I'm still working on it. It will come. I will make it. I cannot let my next unit down.

I still cannot believe it! It's finally over! Fort Lewis, WA here I come!

Wish I had something good to write about

I was supposed to graduate on Thursday. I would have been Distinguished Honor Graduate since I have the highest average in my class (of 6), but it is an Army school. I had to pass a record APFT before graduation. This morning was my last chance before graduation, and I failed my run (for the 4th time!). My commander paced me the entire way, but I could not get it done. The frustration and disappointment are unbearable, and this morning's failure hurts pretty bad. I haven't been this upset since being taken out of EOD school. I have been within seconds of passing for the past month. I am just at a loss as to what to do. So, I am back on med hold status, but at least I have an MOS now. Also, I am back on day shift (normal people hours). That means company PT in the mornings, remedial PT in the afternoons, and a PT test every week. God, just let me cut those seconds off so I can move on!

As for orders, I won't see those until I pass. Even though I have been in class for the past 8 months, I was still on med hold. I have to pass an APFT to get off med hold and get an assignment. I think for the first time in my 18 months in the Army, my future is completely up to me. There is no doctor saying "No, you're not healthy enough." There are no cadre pushing me to my limit, then saying "Nothing personal but you got to go." All I hear from my cadre here is, "Come on. I know it hurts. You're getting better. It takes time. Don't rush your recovery. You're doing well." It's much more encouraging that the "you have no pride, not really injured, just want to quit" crap I heard at Ft. Benning. But I don't really believe it. I'm not doing well. I suck at running. After 2 months of being off profile, I should be able to run a 19-minute 2-mile, but I can never keep the pace beyond 1.25 mile. No amount of ibuprofen has been able to help, and I think the problem is more mental than anything. I'm scared to get hurt again for an Army school, something that will be producing qualified soldiers long after I'm gone. That damn scar is a constant reminder that no one is looking out for me. It's up to me to take care of myself. I already pushed myself for a bunch of people that didn't give a shit about me, and I came very close to permanent injury. It's a sad way of thinking, I know. More and more, I feel like I should have taken the med chapter. Which is worse:
- a medical holdover, week after week failing the run by seconds, or
- a civilian, making a lot more money, but forever wondering what would happen if I had stayed in the Army?

Both are two of my worst nightmares - being useless and living with regret. But I made my decision. Even after all this, I still have the desire to serve, and I have to see it through.

I hate being a headcase. I hate being a failure. I hate being unreliable. I hate sitting on my ass not being productive. And it's all my fault. I'm the only one holding myself back. Hopefully I will have some good news next week.

For some positive thinking, The Dark Knight opens next Friday! I have been looking forward to this movie for months, and the early reviews make it sound incredible.

Safety Day, and What a Surprise

Safety Day

I experienced my first Army safety day on Friday. It wasn't as bad as the permanent party soldiers made it sound. After the introduction, announcements, and skits at brigade formation, everyone was split up between 6 different stations and rotated during the day. There were stations for the standard drug/alcohol abuse, water safety, fire safety, plants/reptiles/insects, heat injuries, drinking and driving (including beer goggles and golf carts for practice), and weather safety topics.

My favorite briefing was the reptiles/plants. I wouldn't go closer than 5 feet towards the spiders (a vast improvement over the shrieking and running away I used to do), but I liked the snakes! They were so smooth (yeah I touched them), and some of them had beautiful colors and patterns. There were also some poisonous snakes we could view (obviously not touch) to learn how to identify poisonous snakes. I was getting a look at the poisonous plants when my platoon sergeant saw me. "Hey SPC. Umm, you like snakes?" "Yeah, Sergeant. They're pretty. Why, you don't." "No no no! That's why I'm over here." Ha ha!

The heat injury briefing was probably the funniest briefing just because Friday was about 60 degrees and windy, we were outside sitting on metal bleaches, and the uniform of the day was summer PTs! As my drill sergeants said, cold is just a mind game. I was actually getting some sun on a beach in Greece! If only that were true. One day though, one day!

Wow!

For the past couple of weekends, I have had trouble sleeping at night and usually kill time watching videos on myspace and youtube. Well a little while ago, I stumbled onto this baby:



That would be a video of my platoon in BCT sounding off with our "friendly competition" platoon motto directed at the other platoons in the company. I was a Punisher. The other platoons were the Pit Bulls, Vipers, and Predators. I think this was our last week or so, when things had really relaxed (I know, I know, Relaxin' Jackson, it was probably already relaxed when we showed up). Yours truly is 3rd from the left in the second rank (the second person is hidden behind the 1st squad leader). I told you I was small!

I still cannot believe I stumbled across that video online! It brought back a lot of memories - the good (battle buddies), bad (bleeding through my boots on a road march), and ugly (God, those bathrooms were disgusting!). Good times! Punishers!

Still Alive

I'm still hanging around Redstone. I was discharged from physical therapy last month, and I got off profile last week. I am now in my recovery period, and the cadre are not pushing me to take the APFT, thank goodness!

My time at Redstone is finally coming to an end, sooner than expected. For the past couple of months, my class was told we are graduating on 29 July. We found out on Friday that we have to graduate on 10 July. We thought we were a little ahead of schedule, and now our instructors are being told we are 5 days behind. No worries though, as far as academics go. I have the highest average so I am on track for Distinguished Honor Graduate. One of the privates really wants it, and he calculated his weighted average and wanted to know his competition (that would be me). He had a 95 average, but when he went through my grades (with my permission, I didn't care enough to calculate it myself) and calculated my 97, he was a little upset. I told him if he wants it, go for it but I'm always going to try my best. He jokingly thought about moving to A-shift so he would have a shot at DHG. Ha ha!

As far as PT goes, I am a little worried because moving up our grad date cuts the time I have to pass the APFT. My goal was to take it at the end of June, giving me a month as a buffer in case I do not pass it. Now that buffer is gone. It's June or bust for me! Not really, but by the time I graduate, I will have been here for almost a year. I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to.

Like I said, I am off profile and in my recovery period. I did regular company PT for the first time last Monday, and I was scared shitless! I almost snuck in with the profiles because I still have pain when jogging for small distances. Formation runs worry me. Luckily (or not so much) it was raining that day, so the 1SG moved PT to the gym. We did a lot of muscle failure - push-ups, flutterkicks, wide-arm push-ups, overhead claps, forward claps, pull-ups, more push-ups. In between those exercises, the 1SG had us (yes, including me) running suicides. He then gave many of us an introduction to the railroad. The railroad is when everyone forms a circle and lays down on their stomach. One person starts it (1SG picked yours truly to start the inside circle) by jumping over each person all the way around the circle. For the people laying on the ground, as soon as you are jumped, you get up and join the end of the line. We went around 3-4 times. I lost count. I was just trying to keep from stepping on someone and making sure my ankle was holding up. I was scared. 2 months ago, I could not even hop on one leg, and that morning I was freaking jump over half the company one after the other about 3-4 times.
The railroad was fun, but it did wear out my ankle. The run back to the company was a little painful, but I was not about to fall out of a freaking 1/2 mile run at an Airborne shuffle!

Everything else is going okay I guess. I do not go out nearly as much as I used to, so more money is staying in my pocket. Every Monday when I show up to PT formation, there are a ton of new faces. Since I'm on B-shift, I don't get to know too many people. I'm always in class when they are drinking, and I'm sleeping when they are on duty. I always get asked if I'm new here. HELL NO! I've been here longer than most of the cadre!

I still have my fun though, like a spur-of-the-moment road trip to the Jack Daniels factory! It's only 45 minutes from Huntsville, and the tour was the right price, FREE! I don't even like whiskey (another one of those lessons learned from experience!), but that place smelled soooo good! We most definitely took our time walking through the Barrel House! They also have fliers on buying a barrel of whiskey, and the thought did cross my mind, but it quickly faded. "Downtown" Lynchburg, TN was a picturesque town square, and the General Store had every possible thing you could think of branded with the Jack Daniels logo. I bought one of those "Lynchburg lemonade" mason jar mugs, and my friend bought me a bottle opener necklace. How thoughtful! Seriously though, it may end of being one of the most useful gifts anyone has even given me. ;)


My days are pretty much the same now. I sleep, keep busy during the day, and go to class at night. I wanted to take an online grad school class through Eastern Michigan University (cheapest tuition rate per credit hour for non-degree online students I have discovered so far), but the class was full. Depending on what the Army has me doing in the fall, I am going to try again in August. I remember complaining about my classes so much in college, but now here I am itching to take some more. I do not want to launch into a full degree program yet. I'm not quite sure what I want to study, but I am leaning towards a master's in engineering, project, or technology management. In general, I want to stay technical but also learn the business side. So I kind of want to walk the line between an MBA and an MS in engineering. Once I sort this out, and actually get the time to pursue a degree, I'll make more of a commitment. I don't want to get in over my head. That's why it took so long for me to get my undergraduate degree!

By the way, I still don't know my next duty station! I'm the only one at this point in training who does not know. I am hoping for Germany. I also have to consider whether I want to go back to OCS. By the time I leave Redstone, I'll be MOS-Q and back on full active duty status. All my friends told me I needed to get back to OCS as soon as possible. I may now get the chance, but now I wonder if I really want to go back right now. Do I want to spend some more time as enlisted? I've met some of my closest friends here at Redstone, and I would love to earn some SGT stripes. I've learned so much already, but I feel like I need to learn more before I take on the responsibilities of an officer. At the very least I can improve my land nav skills and possibly avoid the "can't spell LOST without LT" jokes. Okay, fat chance of ever avoiding those! Decisions, decisions!